


The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

by distefanos



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-16 13:47:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3490613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distefanos/pseuds/distefanos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>9 times Jenko didn't kiss Alex, and one time he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act Your Age

It started as a joke.

It was pressing into his side and the way the heat of him settled into my skin and warmed my cheeks. It was his arm resting on my shoulder playfully.

And then it was something more. It was the slight hitch in his breathing. It was our fingers intertwining and staying that way. It was the space we left on the other side of the sofa.

And then it turned into a dare.

"Kiss me." Staring him in the face, a challenge.

"What?" 

"Kiss me. You said you've kissed a guy before. So then, kiss me."

"You can't just kiss someone outright like that, Alex, that defeats the whole purpose. Anyone can kiss anyone outright like that it doesn't prove anything."

"So you're afraid."

"Afraid to kiss you? Of course not, I'll snog your brains out, don't concern yourself with that mate. Afraid to kiss you, the nerve! It's a kiss it's not a big deal."

"Then do it."

"Fine."

He makes no move. I wiggle in my seat, an impatient intake of breath. I'm ready.

"I'm going to kiss you now, Chambo." 

"I'm waiting."

Jenko leans in, and finally, the moment has come. But then--

"This feels a bit odd." My words.

"I told you! You can't just kiss someone all premeditated like that. A kiss has got to just, you know, happen. That's what I mean about having kissed a guy. In the moment it felt right to kiss him so I kissed him."

"So one day you'll kiss me then?"

"Sure, Alex."

It ended as a promise. 'Sure, Alex.' One day at the right time that kiss is coming. I'm waiting for it.


	2. What's My Age Again?

"Carl." Quiet at first, thinking I was close enough to his ear that it'd pluck his own name out of the sound waves, that his brain would zero in on it out of the assault of noise and flashing lights on our senses. No luck. A bit louder, more insistent. I think. I'm a bit drunk and it's hard to tell if I'm getting louder or quieter.

"Carl." Finally he cups his hand over his ear and leans close. The familiar scent of his cologne - citrus and rose and something sharp and crisp.

"What, mate? Great party, isn't it?"

"That time you were going to kiss me, why didn't you?"

"Because it wasn't the right moment, I told you that."

"Or is it because it wasn't the right boy?" I think I'm yelling loud now because he winces and I'm pulling too hard on his shoulder to keep upright. He hooks an arm around my waist and I'm exactly where I want to be. He studies the contents of a drink, swills it around in the glass, and decides it is his and takes a swig. He makes a sour expression and swallows the answer to the question and the contents of the glass.

"I never asked you if you wanted to kiss me." I press on.

"You still haven't." He replies. He grips me tighter as we both step away from a string of people trying to cut a line though the crowd. And then there are 2 women sharing the same counter as us.

"Would you want to kiss me?" I ask the wrong people. My face colours and Jenko doubles over laughing as the girls stare at me. Not exactly the best opener but I don't know how to tell the girls I hadn't meant to ask them. So I try to rearrange my face into one that says I am expectantly awaiting their answer and also very kissable. Carl decides to go with it.

"Well, ladies, why not? Look at those lips, tell me you can't imagine them being soft yet firm, just like our pal Chambo here." I don't miss the subtle way he's removed his arm from my waist as he claps me on the shoulder. In my state I have place both palms on the wobbly table to keep from falling over. The women giggle and one of them eyes me contemplatively. The other one is smiling with great promise at Carl. From the outside it might look like our nights could be made with a few more words exchanged but my thoughts have snagged on the way Carl is smiling back at her.

"Do you ladies follow football?" Carl is starting in on his usual line. I slide my elbow across the table and spill my drink and some other leftover drink. The contents sweep across the table quicker than the women can jump back.

"Oops. I think I need some air." I stagger out the back exit and lean against rough brick, cold air in deep gasps. I almost understand why people take up smoking. As the door pops closed completely the noise from the club is blissfully muffled and I stand for a few moments enjoying the solitude. I checks my phone and considers texting Jenko to say I've left feeling ill. I wonder idly if the women inside stayed to chat. I blinks away the thought that Jenko wanted to stay with them. As I push off the wall the door bangs open and noise escapes in a disorienting whoosh which is just as quickly silenced when Jenko closes the door behind him. 

We stand in a solitude I no longer enjoy. 

"Yes." Jenko says finally. 

"I haven't said anything." I reply slowly. Have I said anything? Now I'm not sure...

"I would like to kiss you, Alex." Jenko clarifies, taking a step towards me. I freeze, my heart is suddenly beating loud and in time with the bass that pulses through the building, the sidewalk, Jenko. "At the right moment, I would like to kiss you." Carl says. He steps past me and peers around the side of the building. "Are you heading home now?"

I have no words so I simply nod.

"I'm sorry it's not tonight." Jenko mutters quietly, waving an arm out so a taxi does a quick halfturn into the alley.

Me too, I think but don't say, as I step into the car.


	3. Ageless Beauty

The third time could have been a kiss goodbye.

"So you're not even going to say it?"

"No. I'm not. Because it's not goodbye. It's temporary." Jenko tossed another small bag into the back of his car. He packed that way, small parcels instead of one large suitcase. Stacks and stacks of pieces of him sectioned off randomly as he remembered he wanted to take them along for his new locker. On top of it all he placed a single book before slamming the boot shut.

"Temporary is still goodbye." I reminded him. Not for the first time. I had been hoping at the very least the idea of missing me for awhile would lend urgency to the idea of laying any claim on me. I just wanted him to make me mine. Give me a reason to miss him every single day he was gone.

"It's only a season." Jenko promised. He leaned on the driver's side door now. Eyed me balancing on the edge of the curb. Before I could find my footing he nudged the side of my knee with his toe so that I slipped onto the road. I caught myself before I could hit the ground and frowned at him.

"So you're really not going to say it?" 

"I don't believe in saying goodbye to you, Alex." 

"Meaning?" 

"Meaning I'm not even leaving London! Just like you asked me. What's goodbye for?" He climbed into the car and shut the door now, rolled down the window and crooked a finger at me so that I would lean into the car. I could have kissed him. "I'll call you when I'm settled in, yeah?"

The sky was painted watercolour blue, pink brush strokes seeing off the sun. He squinted his eyes at me as the sun set behind my head and he smiled like I was the sunset. In his gaze I finally had to accept that a kiss goodbye is hardly a first one to take.

"I'll see you soon." I promised. Wanting him to leave was a desire to feel an ache for him in his absence. As he drove away I felt it in minutiae but I swallowed it down and realized the whole point is that neither of us desired the absence or the ache.

Without looking back I pressed the button on my keyring that slowly pulled my front gate shut. Otis danced around my feet, skidded across the tiles as he raced me into the house. I wondered how long it would be before Carl stepped foot in here again, and realized I was already his, waiting here for him to come home.

I didn't really want a kiss goodbye. Just a kiss would do. But I could find patience if Carl could find the patience to spend a year away from the club he loves more than nearly anything else in the world.


End file.
